Remember the story of the three little pigs? The wolf was not able to “huff and puff” and blow down the house that was made of bricks. Trust reminds me of bricks. It is important and necessary if you’re going to build a healthy relationship with someone. When infidelity occurs between two people, it breaks trust. Without trust, you will not be able to build a solid relationship.
Infidelity is challenging because it can record messages in the brain that impacts the self-esteem. It can cause people to feel like they are not good enough or they should have done something different to prevent the person from cheating. Let me just tell you, every human being is responsible for their own actions and reactions. When somebody makes a decision to cheat, it is their choice and NOT your fault. Once infidelity happens, two people must decide if they are able to move past the hurt and pain. The other thing to consider is if there was ever any trust in the beginning. Allow me (briefly) to go in another direction. Sometimes people give red flags at the beginning of the relationship that indicates they cannot be trusted. If that is the case, move on with your life because the person has communicated to you that they cannot be trusted.
How do you move on after infidelity?
- Reach out for help. Don’t be afraid to seek individual counseling or share the experience with a balanced person who can offer a sound perspective. Being emotionally healthy allows you to make healthy decisions for you. You want to make sure you’re not repeating unhealthy relationship patterns or operating inside of a cycle of pain.
- After you have created a space for you to heal, then consider joining your partner in therapy to explore the strengths and needs of the relationship.
- Be selective about who you tell about the infidelity. Sometimes friends and family will not forgive, even after you have and moved on.
- Checking your partner’s phone, voicemail, Facebook page or any other account does not help you to move on. It keeps you stuck in a place of doubt. If you have to use your energy to check behind your partner, refer to the first bullet in this section.
Experiencing infidelity does not make you less of a person. You are still AMAZING. You can move on. Tell yourself you will move on. Remember, when you love yourself, you will always be able to arrive at the best decision.